Purity: Self-Control vs. Selfishness
Alright married men, this one is for the single guys, but don’t discount the wisdom and knowledge God offers through this lesson.
Purity feels a lot different when you’ve seen both sides of the fence.
I’ve been married. I’ve tasted intimacy. I’ve also failed. And now, as a single man—divorced, still healing, and looking forward to the possibility of marriage again—I’ve had to wrestle deeply with what purity actually means in this season.
It’s not easy. But here’s what I’ve come to realize:
Purity Isn’t Just About Avoiding Sex—It’s About Pursuing Jesus
When I first became single again, I thought purity was all about shutting down my desires. White-knuckling self-control. Making sure I didn’t cross the line.
But biblical purity goes deeper. It’s not just about what I’m avoiding—it’s about Who I’m pursuing.
Jesus says it plainly:
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
—Matthew 5:8
Purity is about vision.
It’s about seeing God clearly—keeping my heart uncluttered so nothing clouds my relationship with Him.
And here’s the truth I’ve had to confront: If my eyes aren’t set on Jesus, they’ll be set on something else. That’s how I slipped in the past—looking to fill a longing only Christ can satisfy.
Desires Aren’t Evil, but They Need Direction
Let’s be real: sexual desire isn’t the enemy. God designed it. The question is, where am I letting that desire lead me?
Paul writes:
“Flee from sexual immorality… You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
—1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Purity means I don’t let desire control me—I direct it toward God’s purpose.
It means honoring my future wife, even before I know her name, by not giving my body, my thoughts, or my emotions to counterfeit intimacy (porn, fantasy, casual flings).
It also means honoring myself—because my body isn’t mine to misuse. It’s Christ’s.
Purity Requires Self-Control, Not Selfishness
The world tells us freedom means indulging every sexual urge, fantasy, or craving.
But the Bible flips that script.
True freedom is self-control.
Paul urges:
“Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.”
—Titus 2:6
Notice, he doesn’t say “urge them to suppress their desires.”
He says, teach them to control it.
Self-control isn’t about shame.
It’s about leadership—leading your body, your thoughts, and your longings under the authority of Christ.
Selfishness says: Take whatever feels good now.
Self-control says: Lead yourself in love and truth.
Purity is the daily, disciplined practice of telling your mind and body:
“You are not in charge here. God is.”
Purity After Failure: There’s Grace for the Fight
Maybe, like me, you’ve failed. You’ve been married and divorced. You’ve fallen into lust, porn, or sexual sin.
It’s tempting to believe purity isn’t for you anymore. That you’ve already missed the chance.
But Scripture doesn’t paint purity as a prize for the perfect.
It’s a posture of the heart.
David messed up big time—adultery, lies, cover-ups. Yet his prayer in Psalm 51 remains one of the most powerful:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
—Psalm 51:10
Purity starts fresh every day.
Not because we’re flawless, but because God’s grace allows us to repent, surrender, and keep fighting.
Purity Prepares You to Love
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned—after marriage and divorce—is that purity isn’t ultimately about self-denial.
It’s about preparation.
Paul says:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
—Ephesians 5:25
Purity now is where I practice that kind of love.
Every day I say no to lust, selfishness, or instant gratification is a day I’m learning how to say yes to sacrificial love.
Purity is how I prepare to lead, serve, and love my future wife well—not just sexually, but spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.
Purity is Saying Yes to God’s Timing
If I’m honest, I’d love to fast-forward to the day I’m married again.
But I also know that God isn’t wasting this season.
Singleness is where He’s teaching me dependence.
Discipline.
Surrender.
Where He’s reminding me that purity isn’t a finish line—it’s a daily decision to trust His timing.
If you’re walking this same road, brother, whether you are coming out of a season of divorce or living in a season of singleness, here’s what I want you to know:
Your purity is not a punishment.
It’s a blessing.
It’s not about what you’re missing—it’s about Who you’re gaining.
Reflection Questions:
Am I pursuing purity just to check a box, or because I want to love Jesus and others better?
What areas of my life (thought life, media, habits) need to come under Christ’s authority to live purely?
How can I begin practicing sacrificial love and self-control now, instead of waiting for marriage?
